I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
