Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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