That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
