I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
