i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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