is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize