alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
