there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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