why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
