i think my tv is drunk
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
