dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
