I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
