Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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