His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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