dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
