you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
