I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
