have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
