hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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