drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
