Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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