so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
