it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
