Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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