Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I am puke
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
