So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
