The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
