My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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