I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
