i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize