Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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