He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize