One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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