i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
honey bunches of taint.
it's like iHOP with fire
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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