Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
