You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
