he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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