I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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