i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
