My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
