Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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