I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
