hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
