I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
