i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
