So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
