but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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