thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
