on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
