dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
