you guys were way drunker than both of me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
