STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Randomize