if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
