Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
