even my farts smell like vagina
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
