What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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