Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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