And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
