the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
