I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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