remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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