who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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