i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
