Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
