She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
